Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women

Summary (from the publisher): For years, it's been "common knowledge" that once a woman hits thirty, her chances of finding a husband diminish to the point of despair. That men are intimidated by a woman's career success, preferring docile helpmates to ambitious achievers. That women are biologically driven to seek a strong provider. That the higher a woman's IQ, the less likely she is to marry, let alone have babies...leaving single, successful women to ask themselves: Are men intimidated by smart women?

In Why Smart Men Marry Smart Women, Christine B. Whelan shatters the myth that high-achieving women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market. There's good news for the millions of American SWANS (Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse): that today's smart, successful women marry at the same rates as all other women -- and that more income and education may in fact increase a woman's chances of marriage.

What's more, as Dr. Whelan shows through newly released U.S. Census data, a large-scale Harris Interactive survey commissioned especially for this book, plus extended interviews conducted in cities nationwide, this profound demographic shift shows every sign of progressing. That means that the "success penalty" that has endured for generations is, as soon as 2010, destined for the history books.

Accomplished daughters, sisters, and friends (not to mention their mothers) can finally stop worrying that the twin pinnacles of personal and professional happiness are inherently unattainable. In fact, smart men do marry SWANS. Ninety percent of high-achieving men surveyed want a woman who is as intelligent or more intelligent than they are. And two-thirds of men said they believed smart women make better mothers. Pairing cutting-edge research with sound advice, Dr. Whelan brings to mind what smart women everywhere have long known in their hearts: that the goal is not just to get married, but to have a good marriage, and to lead a fulfilled life.

 

Review: In this work of non-fiction, author Christine Whelan sets out to prove that the common fact that older, more highly educated and successful women are less likely to marry is no longer true. This book argues that high-achieving women are not at a disadvantage in the marriage market and that today's smart, successful women actually marry at the same rate as other women.

 

On the surface, this book has all the ingredients for an effective work of non-fiction. Whelan commissioned a Harris Interactive survey of more than 3,700 Americans and interviewed over 100 individuals to gather data to bolster her claims. And the topic is certainly relevant as women outpace men in both undergraduate and graduate degrees and more women expect to be able to pursue a home and in light of the fact that on average most Americans are marrying later and having children later than in previous decades. Whelan's arguments are sound and are based on seemingly solid research. Furthermore, she points out serious flaws in other studies, such as the 2004 study that found that men would rather marry a woman who was a subordinate versus a superior or a peer. Whelan pointed out that this study was conducted on individuals born in 1921 and it's safe to say that much has changed since these men and women were in their prime dating years.

 

However, the very reduction of talented and impressive women to the base categories of married or not grated on me significantly. The extreme scrutiny of this book underscores the continuing emphasis that we have to marry by a certain age or we'll be reduced to seeking solace in such studies as the one Whelan has written, ones that give older single ladies "hope" that they too can achieve the 'ultimate' achievement of landing a man. I was irked by the focus of this book being on "SWANS" or "Strong Women Achievers, No Spouse" which seemed to play on the ugly duckling turning into a swan fairy tale, which seemed an insulting way to view these individuals. I also took issue with the phrasing of the title, which places the power in the man's hands. It's not solely up to the man who they marry; smart women also have the choice of who they marry. Finally, the author's headshot, which calls extravagant attention to her engagement ring really irritated me. It felt as if she was trying to use her own marital success as further proof that her arguments in her book are sound.

 

I was also deeply bothered by the many cavalier and insulting comments made by many of the "SWANS" that the author interviewed. One women admitted that she was fairly serious with her boyfriend but that if "an Indian guy comes along, it's the end of him" (124). That's a fairly awful way to treat your boyfriend - as an expendable place holder. Another woman interviewed says, "I'm going to have three boys by the time I'm 44 - who are actively involved in sports" (192). That's a bold claim; what will she do with daughters or un-athletic sons? My point is that (while certainly not for all of those interviewed) it seems as if part of the reason some of these women may not have married yet has less to do with their status as "SWANS" and more to do with their unreasonable expectations and callous treatment of others.

 

This book felt less like a researched base argument and more like the author's personal soap box, desperate to show that just because she and other women have Ph.Ds. doesn't mean they're less likely to get married. I fully believe she's right, but I take issue with the way she has conveyed these findings to her readers.

 

Stars: 2