Dearest Friend: A Life of Abigail Adams

Summary (from the publishers): The lively, authoritative, New York Times bestselling biography of Abigail Adams.

This is the life of Abigail Adams, wife of patriot John Adams, who became the most influential woman in Revolutionary America. Rich with excerpts from her personal letters, Dearest Friend captures the public and private sides of this fascinating woman, who was both an advocate of slave emancipation and a burgeoning feminist, urging her husband to “Remember the Ladies” as he framed the laws of their new country.

John and Abigail Adams married for love. While John traveled in America and abroad to help forge a new nation, Abigail remained at home, raising four children, managing their estate, and writing letters to her beloved husband. Chronicling their remarkable fifty-four-year marriage, her blossoming feminism, her battles with loneliness, and her friendships with Thomas Jefferson and James Madison, Dearest Friend paints a portrait of Abigail Adams as an intelligent, resourceful, and outspoken woman.

Review: Abigail Adams was born in 1744 as the second child of William and Elizabeth Quincy Smith. Her father was the son of a well-to-do Boston merchant and her mother was a member of the Quincy family, which "traced its ancestry back to the founders of New England, to the landed gentry of England, and even to one of the signers of the Magna Carta" (4). Raised and educated at home by Puritan parents who emphasized the value of work, Abigail became one of the best read women of her generation. As a teenager, Abigail met and fell in love with John Adams, who was ten years her senior. Although "only" a lawyer and of lower social status, John's college degree and inherited land and home from his father made him a suitable match. After a long courtship, Abigail and John finally married and moved into a hundred year old home in Braintree, Massachusetts. They quickly became parents and John quickly began pursuing a political career that would keep the deeply in love couple apart for many years of their marriage. 

The couple became parents to Abigail (known as Nabby), John Quincy, Charles, and Thomas. Another daughter, Susanna, died as a baby and Abigail lost another stillborn daughter. In the midst of their growing family, John entered politics as a representative to the Massachusetts legislature. This was the couple's entry into many years of what they both considered service to their country. Although both enjoyed the limelight and prestige that John's political work afforded them, they also deeply disliked that it also meant living apart indefinitely. For most of their marriage, Abigail was responsible for raising and educating their children while also running their household, farm, and tenants with very little assistance or input from her husband. With the exceptions of a visit to Europe to visit John while stationed there and her support while he was president, many years of their marriage were characterized by sporadic visits and somewhat infrequent letter writing. 

Indeed, one frustration with this biography is that the broken record feel of Withey constantly repeating the unhappy nature of the couple who were separated by John's political service. "John accepted position after position, and Abigail again and again refused to exercise her powerful influence to make him stay home" (115). On the other hand, this book certainly made it clear that John could not have achieved what he did had he not had Abigail in the background, industriously managing much of the labor and logistics of their home and source of livelihood on his behalf.  Another frequent repetition was the tension between Abigail's belief that women belonged in the home and her frequent penchant to assert her advice to John, who relied heavily upon it. This heavy handed wielding of power was also obvious in her endless imperious instructions to her children, even after they had children of their own. In other ways, Abigail comes across as a bit of a hypocrite; she argues again and again that she believes in a simple way of life, but was obviously seduced by the lifestyle of Paris and London and certainly grew to appreciate the social and economic status that her husband's political success afforded her. 

I do wish this book had covered more of Abigail's early background, principally her childhood and parents' influence on her life. Indeed, this portion of her life is summarized in roughly thirty pages. After her marriage, her parents are almost only referenced upon their deaths. Considering how important family was to Abigail and how prominently her siblings figured in her adult life, this absence of her parents in the summary of her adult life seems suspicious. However, perhaps the author was limited by what information still exists about this time period of Abigail's life. 

It was a relief to learn that, after years of unhappy separation, Abigail and John did enjoy some years of retirement in their home, surrounded by their children and grandchildren. Despite the fact that John was considerably older than Abigail, she died several years before him in 1818. Abigail and John had a close marriage that was truly a partnership, one that allowed each of them independence and expression of their individual talents. Although she did not live to witness it, Abigail would likely have been exceedingly proud to become the first woman to be both wife and mother of a president. 

Stars: 4