The Sound of Gravel
Ruth Wariner was the thirty-ninth of her father’s forty-two children. Growing up on a farm in rural Mexico, where authorities turned a blind eye to the practices of her community, Ruth lives in a ramshackle house without indoor plumbing or electricity. At church, preachers teach that God will punish the wicked by destroying the world and that women can only ascend to Heaven by entering into polygamous marriages and giving birth to as many children as possible. After Ruth's father--the man who had been the founding prophet of the colony--is brutally murdered by his brother in a bid for church power, her mother remarries, becoming the second wife of another faithful congregant.
In need of government assistance and supplemental income, Ruth and her siblings are carted back and forth between Mexico and the United States, where her mother collects welfare and her step-father works a variety of odd jobs. Ruth comes to love the time she spends in the States, realizing that perhaps the community into which she was born is not the right one for her. As Ruth begins to doubt her family’s beliefs and question her mother’s choices, she struggles to balance her fierce love for her siblings with her determination to forge a better life for herself.
Recounted from the innocent and hopeful perspective of a child, The Sound of Gravel is the remarkable true story of a girl fighting for peace and love. This is an intimate, gripping tale of triumph, courage, and resilience.
Review: I won an advance reading copy of this book as a Goodreads giveaway.
This memoir recounts the author's experiences of growing up a polygamous family. Ruth was born the 39th of her father's 42 children. Her father was killed when she was young and her mother remarried another polygamous man. Ruth and her siblings were raised on a farm in rural Mexico. The details of her physical home - the family lived in extremely impoverished conditions without indoor plumbing, ramshackle or completely absent electrical wiring, and a poorly insulated home that was freezing in the winter and burning up in the summer. Worse was the abuse that Ruth witnesses as her mother is beaten by her husband. Later, Ruth and several other girls are sexually abused by her stepfather. Several of Ruth's siblings were developmentally delayed and Ruth, as the oldest healthy daughter, was expected to contribute greatly at home and help with her many younger siblings.
I've read several other books that focus on polygamy, most recently Daughter of the Saints by Dorothy Allred Solomon and the shocking revelations that emerge from children who escape polygamy continue to horrify me. The image of Ruth and her siblings living in half constructed "houses" full of mice, being left alone with their violent and disturbed older sibling, and avoiding electrical shocks from the many faulty wiring projects half-completed by their stepfather were disturbing to read. Wariner does such an excellent job of conveying her story in straightforward prose and without self-pity. Unlike other polygamy stories, that bog the reader down in family trees that are nearly impossible to unravel, she conveys this complexity with simple anecdotes, such as her first day of school when the little girl beside her leans over and says, "Hey, did you know that we're sisters?" (60). Throughout, Ruth's devotion to her family and siblings was remarkable and inspiring.
Although as a reader I absolutely felt the author's hurt and anger over her mother's failure to protect her from sexual abuse and constant failure to protect her children from a life of poverty and poor choices, Wariner is also generous in highlighting the good memories she has from her childhood as well. Glimmers of happiness are seen as young Ruth plays with her friends at school, lovingly welcomes new younger siblings into the family, and appreciates the blessings she does have. Despite her pain, Ruth is overwhelmingly forgiving of her mother as an adult, realizing in hindsight what a difficult life her mother had: "I realized how little she had asked of the world, and how even that had been too much for the world to give" (265). She later elaborates saying, "She wasn't some monster, she was just another human being who'd gone looking for her life and somehow ended up on the wrong path" (271).
It was hard to believe the responsibilities that Ruth was expected to shoulder from such a young age, although it seems necessary as her mother had ten children and was mostly raising them alone. Wariner says, "When a new baby entered our home, protocol dictated that the baby who no longer needed to be nursed and burped was handed off to me" (198). It was hard for me to even imagine a young teenager being used to this family "routine" from such a young age. Amazingly after a tragic, freak accident, Ruth eventually assumed full responsibility for her three younger sisters and raised them while putting herself through school.
There were times when I felt that Ruth herself seemed almost too good to be true. I also thought the wife that helped Ruth and her siblings escape Mexico seemed to very conveniently change her mind about her lifestyle in the nick of time. Yet this is Ruth's story and sometimes fact is stranger than fiction. I would love to read more about how Ruth and her siblings managed on their own after they finally left the polygamous community in Mexico.
This was a heart wrenching memoir about a difficult childhood, yet told in a succinct and easy to follow manner. It was a fast read, as I was eager to know what would happen to Ruth and her family. While it was difficult to read about children living in such impoverished and abusive conditions, I felt relieved to learn that Wariner and her siblings are safe and happy today.
Stars: 4
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