Unspeakable: Surviving My Childhood and Finding My Voice by Jessica Willis Fisher

 

Summary (from the publisher): Using the written word as her witness statement, Jessica Willis Fisher gives a lacerating portrait of a girl finding her voice after years of being silenced and an unforgettable story of risk and faith. Growing up the eldest daughter in a large, highly controlled, fundamentalist Christian household, Jessica Willis was groomed to perform, and to conform to her father's disturbing and chaotic teachings. Cut off from anything unapproved by her father, Jessica was persistently curious about the outside world, always wondering what was normal or potentially dangerous about her upbringing. When the Willis family rocketed into fame after their appearances on multiple televised talent competitions in 2014, Jessica and her family landed their own reality TV show and toured across the globe, singing and dancing for millions. The world loved this beautiful family of kids; young and vivacious, the Willis's presented themselves to be extraordinary and happy. But the older and wiser Jessica got, the more she had to face that what was going on behind closed doors would forever be escalating. In this elegant, harrowing story of the manipulation and codependency that defines abusive family relationships, Jessica Willis Fisher lets us see the formative moments of her childhood through her eyes. Fisher's haunting coming-of-age memoir captures the beauty and ugliness of a young woman finding her way—filled with longing, fear, confusion, secrecy, and most importantly, hope for the future. Beautifully written and monumental in its bravery, Fisher's story is proof that we can all become so much more that the things that happen to us.

Review: Like many others, I watched the reality show featuring the Willis family several years ago that featured their 12 children who are all musically gifted and participated in a family band. While they appeared happy and close knit, the reality was that behind the scenes the children and mother were being abused both verbally and physically by their father Toby Willis. In this brave memoir, the oldest daughter Jessica details her childhood and experiences growing up in a repressive and sexually abusive household and how she managed to escape and eventually report her father to authorities.   

There were so many sections of this book that were hard to read. From childhood, Jessica was groomed by her father to conform to his expectations in all ways. One of her very earliest memories is of her father touching her inappropriately. He was abusive and cruel to his wife and children who clearly feared displeasing him. Their lifestyle was often chaotic as her father randomly cut people off or changed his mind. Even after their family skyrocketed to fame when Jessica was in her early twenties, she was not allowed to have a cell phone, wear her hair up, leave the house without permission, talk to anyone without prior approval, or even leave the house without having her outfit approved by her father. The scenes where her father physically lashes out at his family members, beating them from perceived infractions were hard to read and in direct opposition to the happy and bubbly family that they appear to be on their TLC show. It was particularly disturbing to see how much the mother knew and never took any steps to prevent the abuse from continuing, although I know this is common among victims of domestic abuse. 

It's a true wonder that Jessica was able to escape her family. I am amazed that she had the strength to report his actions to authorities, which was a very courageous act that ultimately freed the rest of her family from his ongoing abuse. She was lucky that she found a support network outside of her family that helped her get out and get help, including counseling. I wish I knew how her other relatives really feel about the whole series of events and if the family gets along well today. 

Stars: 4