The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age

Summary (from the publisher): Clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair takes an in-depth look at how the Internet and the digital revolution are profoundly changing childhood and family dynamics, and offers solutions parents can use to successfully shepherd their children through the technological wilderness.

Families today are embracing technology at the expense of face-to-face engagement.

From cradle to college, our children are learning more from entertainment than education. Easy access to the Internet and social media has erased the boundaries that protect childhood from the unsavory aspects of adult life. Parents, too, are immersed in the digital world far more deeply than they realize. Whether they are incessantly chatting or texting on their smartphones, or working in front of their computer screens, they are increasingly missing in action from their children's lives. Meanwhile, kids long for more meaningful relationships not only with each other but with the grown-ups in their lives.

The benefits of having infinite information at our fingertips are extraordinary, and we are connected more than ever, but as the focus of family has turned to the glow of the screen and quick-twitch communications, parents often feel they are losing control of family life, and worse, the means for meaningful connection with the children they love.

As clinical psychologist Catherine Steiner-Adair shows, these chronic distractions can have deep and lasting effects. Children don't need adults constantly, but they do need parents to provide what tech cannot: close, meaningful interactions with family and friends. Drawing on real-life stories from her clinical and consulting work, Steiner-Adair offers insight and advice that can help parents achieve greater understanding, authority, and confidence as they come up against the tech revolution unfolding in their living rooms.

With fresh eyes, an open mind, and the will to act on what we see and learn, Steiner-Adair argues, we have the opportunity now to nourish our families and protect and prepare our children for meaningful life in a digital age that is here to stay.

Review: I received an Advance Reader Copy from HarperCollins. 

The Big Disconnect looks at the impact of technology on children and family relationships. This book exposes the lasting effects this ongoing distraction and lack of engagement can do to relationships between parents and children at all ages. 

I will admit, I thought this book looked like something that would be informative and it would be a good idea for me to read it for my own edification, but I was not excited to start it. However, I found it much more interesting and engaging than I expected. I attribute this to the author's informative yet entertaining writing style. The author includes an overwhelming number of examples, quotes, and personal stories that more than prove and illustrate her points. In fact, the author acknowledges that she "interviewed more than 1,000 children ages four to eighteen, more than 500 parents, and more than 500 teachers" in preparation for this text (298). The thouroughness of her research shows. 

This book includes a chapter covering each age group of children from birth through teenage years. The coverage of teenage years was not surprising and was a lot of the same information I had already heard reported in the news, such as the risk of sexual predators, inappropriate sexual content, cyber bullying, etc. However, I was particularly struck by the chapter on babies and how disengaging from your baby to work on interact with your smartphone or ipad can and does impact your infant! "Babies are often distressed when they look to their parent for a reassuring connection and discover the parent is distressed or uninterested. Studies show that they are especially distressed by a mother's 'flat' or emotionless expression, something we might once have associated with a depressive caregiver, but which now is eerily similar to the expressionless face we adopt when we stare down to text, stare away as we talk on our phones, or stare into a screen as we go online.  More recent studies using brain imaging scans on infants show that brain centers critical for higher order learning and language development 'light up' when a mother is present and fully engaged as she speaks to her baby" (71). Steiner-Adair also goes on to describe how a mother's early interaction with her baby establishes her baby's identity and shows the child that they can have an impact or influence others, but this lesson can be disrupted by distracted and disengaged technology-using parents. So, development from birth is heavily influenced by our new technology-enriched reality. 

I think this book is a crucial read for today's parents of children at any age. It's easy to justify use of your smartphone or tablet in your child's presence, and obviously unavoidable to a certain extent. But reading this book will illustrate the wisdom in trying to limit time spent on technology by both parents and children, and the importance of fostering face-to-face, engaged relationships. The book does conclude with qualities of a sustainable family, and values parents should try to emphasize to limit the impact of technology. However, I was frustrated by the fact that, especially as children age, parents continue to lose ability to shield their children from the threats of the internet. I don't think Steiner-Adair offers a clear solution to how to prevent your child from suffering because of seeing inappropriate videos online or receiving bullying emails from classmates, for example. However, at least after knowing this is a threat, parents could take precautionary steps and know to be vigilant in protecting their children. 

Stars: 4