This is Not a Pity Memoir

 

Summary (from the publisher): A moving memoir from the award-winning screenwriter and playwright Abi Morgan about what happens when the person you love most no longer recognizes you.

One afternoon, Abi Morgan returned home to find her longtime partner and father to their two kids collapsed on the bathroom floor. Jacob, who had been undergoing treatment for multiple sclerosis, had suddenly experienced a series of seizures and had to be put into a medically induced coma. As he slowly regained consciousness after six months, he made tentative steps to communicate with those around him, and grappled with the host of issues that had been triggered by the damage caused to his brain. But while Jacob recognized his family and friends, he didn’t believe that the Abi standing in front of him—who had sat by his hospital bed, juggled care of their children, and liaised with his slew of doctors as he slipped between life and death—was in fact his Abi. Instead, he saw a woman whom he believed to be an imposter.

Starting with Jacob’s first collapse and set over the course of two years since, This Is Not a Pity Memoir is a story about love and family. Abi describes with unflinching honesty and nuance the extraordinary and terrifying challenge of caring for a loved one in the wake of devastating illness. The book asks: How do you bring back someone who relies on you for recovery and yet no longer recognizes you? How do you reckon with the shared years that came before? And most of all: How do you navigate this new life together?

Review: I received an uncorrected proof copy from HarperCollins in exchange for an honest review. 

Abi Morgan is a successful screenwriter and playwright who lives with her long-term partner Jacob and their two teenage children. Her story takes an abrupt turn when she returns home to see Jacob, who had been undergoing treatment for multiple sclerosis, collapsed on the bathroom floor. What follows is a dizzying series of months of unknowns. Ultimately, Jacob's uncontrollable seizures lead to him being placed in a medically induced coma. When he finally regains consciousness, he recognizes everyone - everyone but Abi, who he believes is an imposter. 

This is a grippingly raw memoir that covers two years of turmoil and uncertainty in the life of the author. Morgan does not shy away from sharing dark moments and acknowledging painful truths of feelings she encountered as she navigated the new and unexpected reality of her life and the changes her partner goes through. Her rage, grief, resentment, fear, and love for her family all show through. Her honesty made this memoir feel grounded and truthful in a way that many do not. 

I flew through this book and felt such compassion for every member of Abi's family and the loss they are grappling with over the course of the book. This is the story of a marriage that is not quite a marriage, a family that doesn't quite feel like a family due to Jacob's health crisis, and the true test of love even as our partners change irrevocably. This was a moving memoir of how we can lose someone even when they are still alive, told by an excellent writer who isn't afraid to expose her darkest and deepest emotions, 

Stars: 4