Friends and Family by Natalie Baszile

 

Summary (from the publisher): From the author of Queen Sugar, a piercing examination of friendship and loyalty as two best friends find themselves at odds over their beliefs on race, identity and allyship, especially when it comes to their teenage children.

Babs and Nora became friends thanks to their kids. Now, the desire to protect their children might tear them apart.

Babs and Nora have spent a decade’s worth of morning walks sharing family secrets, local drama, and advice—everything from tips on lingerie choices to Babs’s suggestions to Nora, a white woman, on how to raise Nathan, her adopted Black son.

But their worlds are turned upside down when the cops are called on their kids while they’re home alone, leading to a traumatic police encounter for Nathan. In the aftermath, Babs and Nora find themselves divided as never before, and Nathan looks for refuge with Babs and her family, where, unlike in his own home, race, identity, and culture are always up for discussion. Babs can see that Nathan is a young Black man without community trying to find himself. Torn between respecting Nora’s boundaries and embodying the values so important to her own family, Babs will make a choice that will shape their lives forever.

Set in a tight-knit enclave in the Bay Area, Friends and Family is an eye-opening exploration of friendship and privilege, race and community, and what it means to truly be a good friend and ally.

Review: Thank you to Goodreads giveaways and Pamela Dorman books for the advance copy of this book, out on October 6th.

Babs and Nora have been friends for years. Despite Nora being white and Babs Black, they have bonded over their children's friendships between Babs' daughter Reese and Nora's adopted Black son Nathan. But when an incident involving the cops and their children takes place, the friends find themselves divided like never before. And Nathan looks to Babs and her family for refuge that he doesn't feel he has in his own home with Nora. 

This was an absolutely fascinating exploration of friendship across racial lines, privilege, and what it truly means to be a good friend and ally. I feel so, so lucky that I had a group of buddy readers to discuss this with as a I read, many of which were Black women who added incredibly thoughtful and insightful comments to our discussion. I think this is incredibly important reading for Americans since it deals with an issue that we are all confronting and living with every day. This was a great read with heavy emphasis on friendship, but it was not an easy or comfortable read. 

It's easy to not like a lot of people in this book, because they're virtually all wildly imperfect. Nora and her husband Stuart consider themselves greatly open minded and give themselves endless pats on the back for adopting a Black son. Yet this is not a blanket guarantee that they're always doing right by their son. They are incredibly privileged and I was really angry at multiple points by things they do and say. And frustrated with Babs for going back to Nora over and over, although on the other hand I do like Babs' loyalty to the friendship and eternal optimism that things can get better between them. 

Another element to this book that is in the background of all this heavy racial clashing is a marriage trying to rebuild and recover. We learn early in the novel that Babs has had an affair. I have mixed feelings on this subplot. On the one hand, watching Babs and her husband try to tentatively recover felt so real and raw but also at times beautiful and moving. But it also felt out of character for everything else we know about Babs and it also made the novel feel almost cluttered with events. Of course, that is life - there is always a lot going on at the same time, always. 

One element I appreciated is that no one in this book has the answers. Navigating racism in America is such a heavy and complicated burden for all of us. But I did love the tentatively hopeful ending. My takeaway is that the answer is not to give up or to shrink from the work. 

Reading the summary of this, I was worried that this would spend a lot of time dwelling on the police incident and the escalated/violent scene. While this incident heavily shapes the plot, it does happen off page, and more time is spent on the relationships in the aftermath of this incident and not the incident itself.

At first, I was tempted to give this four stars but as I write this review, I can't think of anything negative to add to my review. I think the four stars first thought was due to enjoyment. I read this so quickly and it was a quick read, but I think the four stars reach was due to how heavy the topics in this are. Although the ending is hopeful, I felt depressed in some ways reading this thinking about how do we fix these issues and where do we go from here? Ultimately, I think I'll go with 4.5 stars rounded up for Goodreads. 

Favorite quotes: 

"Explaining meant telling Nora about the 'invisible suitcase' - the one filled with all our hopes and dreams, our fears and memories; the one peculiar to being Black in America. How could I explain that Galen's suitcase was packed with all the rage and hurt he'd accumulated over a lifetime of living in this country?" (23)

"I'd developed my theory about the three types of white women. First, there were White Girls, capital W, capital G - women who moved through the world with a startling sense of entitlement. Easy to spot, they misbehaved loudly in public spaces like airports and restaurants. Next, Girls Who Are White - women born into white bodies but who were socially and politically aware, deploying their privilege to dismantle the system. Finally, the Spicy Whites - women who possessed a certain funk factor." (37)

"Twenty-four hours ago, Nathan was a teenager, aware of the world but not afraid of it. From now on, life would be filtered through a lens of fear, every decision informed by the potential for peril. He'd started to pack his invisible suitcase and would forever feel the weight of it." (144)

Stars: 4.5