Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Summary (from the publisher): From the indie rockstar of Japanese Breakfast fame, and author of the viral 2018 New Yorker essay that shares the title of this book, an unflinching, powerful memoir about growing up Korean American, losing her mother, and forging her own identity.

In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up the only Asian American kid at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother's particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother's tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food.

As she grew up, moving to the East Coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, and performing gigs with her fledgling band--and meeting the man who would become her husband--her Koreanness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live. It was her mother's diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer, when Michelle was twenty-five, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her.

Vivacious and plainspoken, lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is onstage. Rich with intimate anecdotes that will resonate widely, and complete with family photos, Crying in H Mart is a book to cherish, share, and reread.

Review: This beautiful memoir is an insightful portrait of grief as author Michelle Zauner navigates her mother's death from cancer. Along the way, she reminisces on life with her mother, growing up as the only Asian American kid at her school in Eugene, Oregon, her mother's high expectations for her, the months they spent each year at her grandmother's apartment in Seoul, Korea, and always the bonding over meals. 

In many ways, this book feels like the author's way of processing a difficult relationship with her mother that ended too soon and too tragically. The author's mother demanded much from her daughter and was critical of her choices, always pushing her to be a better version of herself. She was in her early twenties when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, a tricky time for a young adult still very much navigating life and figuring out who you are, only to also have to deal with the massive and life altering loss of a parent.

I listened to the audio version of this, which was special because it was read by the author and feels particularly fitting for a memoir. However, this does contain so many vivid descriptions of food that I was sad that I couldn't refer back to them or highlight them in a print version! I would love to have been able to throw a few quotes of all the lovely food descriptions in here. 

I had had this book on hold at the library for ages and of course it would come in just a few weeks after my grandfather died. I cried listened to the vivid descriptions of her mother dying and listened to the author describe sitting by her mother's body, struggling to pick out a final outfit for her mom, and navigating funeral arrangements. It hit home for me as I was also struggling with my own grief. A lovely meditation on navigating loss and grief while also trying to find your place in the world. The author's writing is plain yet lyrical, and I found many sections of this deeply moving. 

Stars: 4